So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
