Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
try to milk me bitch
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
