My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
He better not be in your backpack
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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