oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
The beer is more important than you right now.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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