Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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