it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
