the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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