the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I AM VODKA MAN
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
