some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
