yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
