He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
