The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
