Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
