i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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