Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
this just has baby written all over it
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize