I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
