Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
