You're completely useless in the revolution.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
i think i just lost a toe
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
