Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
