you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
