I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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