Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
