His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
