So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
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