but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
my liver is dry heaving
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
