watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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