Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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