1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
