Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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