i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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