I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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