I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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