I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize