I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
