what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
