Dual....:-)
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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