Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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