i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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