don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
