i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
