i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
you traded sex for a burrito?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
