he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
