Dude my mom stole all your condoms
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
