Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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