What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
