I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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