I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
