i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
