when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
