Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
