I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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