That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
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