Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
