Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
