he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
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