I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
ugly people sure do ruin things
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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