I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
