I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
