we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
