My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
