Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
This baby is an asshole
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
