Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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