You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize