I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
