I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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