"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
