just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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