If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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