Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
