Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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