I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize