i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Randomize
