next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I smell like Dick and happiness
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