I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
