Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
