We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
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