great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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