would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
